Psych Ward

Copyrighted


It was hard seeing him like this. Being led through dreary halls, probed with needles, stuck in rooms with no windows. But I held his hand the whole time.

They couldn’t see me.

Whenever we would have a minute alone he’d glance at me, piercing gray eyes that didn’t belong in that grimy, unshaven face.

“This isn’t fair,” He rasped.

“I know.” I placed my hand alongside his face. My pale skin glowed against his rough exterior.

“I just want to be with you.” A tear made a visible path down his face.

“I know sweetheart. But I’m always here.”

“They won’t let me see you sometimes.” He started to get angrier. “They won’t let me talk to you. I can’t touch you!” He shook at the restraints he was in.

I kissed his forehead gently.

” I’m always here. I’m right here with you.”

The men came and got him again. They started leading him somewhere new, somewhere I hadn’t seen. I had to run to keep up.

“Where are you taking me?” His legs went limp, but the men dragging him along didn’t miss a step. They had dealt with this before.

“Tell me where we’re going!”

“We’re just going to help you Mr. Jones.”

“My name is not Jones!” He screamed like an animal, he kicked, he bit, he swore. It tore my heart into pieces.

“Maria?!” He called behind him.

“I’m here baby,” I said softly, tears choking me. “I’m here.”

“Maria!”

“I’m right here. I’m always with you.” But as I said the words I knew something was about to happen.

They led him through a door and it slammed in my face. I reached for the knob but couldn’t grasp it. This had never happened before.

I rushed to a large window. The glass was too thick, the walls had to much padding. He couldn’t hear me. He couldn’t see me.

He thought he was alone.

The men hefted him onto a table and strapped his legs down. He arms were still stuck in that horrendous jacket. His chest was pinned against the cold metal.

I could see he was screaming, the veins popping out of his neck.

“I’m still here!” I screamed.

A long needle was presented to a man with gloves on.

“No. You can’t do this! He’ll forget me!” I wailed as I pounded on the glass. Nobody in the room noticed me.

The needle was inserted into his arm. Even as it was drawn out I could feel it.

I was the ghost inside his head. And they were forcing me out.

“I can’t leave him! He needs me! He loves me!” I hit the glass with my failing strength.

“It’s been so long since he held me,” I whimpered. I was starting to go and I couldn’t even tell him good-bye. It was the car crash all over again. I could see him, but he couldn’t see me.

“Don’t make me go,” Even I could hardly hear my own voice.

They were giving him some sort of medication. I barely caught the pills being forced down his throat as my legs gave out and I sank to the floor.

I tried to tell him that I loved him but the words wouldn’t come out.

My world became white.

Advertisements

Hazel Grace (post Augustus Waters) *SPOILERS*

***TFIOS SPOILERS***

Image

She stood there, gripped with every feeling of grief fathomable. Yes, she knew the realities of cancer. But never had she dreamed it would rip away the one perfect thing in her life. Augustus Waters was gone. Gone forever.

She could still see his eyes and hear his easy-going laugh. The cold grave held nothing of the life that had blessed her difficult life.

The salt water would not stop flowing from Hazel’s eyes. Hazel Grace. Her name was Hazel Grace. She could still remember how he said it. But one day she would forget. Forget the way his voice changed when was nervous. Forget the way his words flowed perfectly when he had rehearsed them and the way he started stumbling when the speech ran out. This thought brought on a new torrent of tears. Sinking to her knees, she wailed to a God she wasn’t sure existed.

Every touch, gone from her life forever. When she had discovered his relapse into osteosarcoma, she had tried to imagine her life without him. Without her little infinity.

She never imagined that it would hurt this much.

Every time she saw or heard the word ‘Okay’ her heart hurt the way it had when she had first found out about his death. It was supposed to be their ‘always’. Instead it was Hazel’s ‘what could’ve been’.

She stayed there for quite some time, crumpled by the grave of her boyfriend, quite sure that no one would ever replace. No one could replace Augustus Waters.

“I love you,” She choked out through salty, damp lips. “Okay?”

And she could hear the whisper. “Okay.”