She stood there, gripped with every feeling of grief fathomable. Yes, she knew the realities of cancer. But never had she dreamed it would rip away the one perfect thing in her life. Augustus Waters was gone. Gone forever.
She could still see his eyes and hear his easy-going laugh. The cold grave held nothing of the life that had blessed her difficult life.
The salt water would not stop flowing from Hazel’s eyes. Hazel Grace. Her name was Hazel Grace. She could still remember how he said it. But one day she would forget. Forget the way his voice changed when was nervous. Forget the way his words flowed perfectly when he had rehearsed them and the way he started stumbling when the speech ran out. This thought brought on a new torrent of tears. Sinking to her knees, she wailed to a God she wasn’t sure existed.
Every touch, gone from her life forever. When she had discovered his relapse into osteosarcoma, she had tried to imagine her life without him. Without her little infinity.
She never imagined that it would hurt this much.
Every time she saw or heard the word ‘Okay’ her heart hurt the way it had when she had first found out about his death. It was supposed to be their ‘always’. Instead it was Hazel’s ‘what could’ve been’.
She stayed there for quite some time, crumpled by the grave of her boyfriend, quite sure that no one would ever replace. No one could replace Augustus Waters.
“I love you,” She choked out through salty, damp lips. “Okay?”
And she could hear the whisper. “Okay.”